can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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