I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
