he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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