Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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