How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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