What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
