At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
