I am puke
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
