My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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