I smell stomach acid.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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