I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
