How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
