You work out of a Hotel?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
