I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
