Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
