I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there's paper in my vomit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
