I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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