Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
