Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's great music for shaving your balls
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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