so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
