no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
