Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
