I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
