she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
