Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
