i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
