Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
