For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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