I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
