On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
