I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
