so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
