Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
