Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
too bad you live with your parents still
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
