I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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