we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
