She's JV to your varsity
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
