dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think people are normalizing furries
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
