This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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