Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
