he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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