totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
