i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
