i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
