I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
