How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
