he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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