I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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