i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
