Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
