Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
