I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
