I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
