I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't deserve a penis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
