she was so not down for the gang bang
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
