i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
