Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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