im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize