hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your cock deserves a montage
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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