Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
