Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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