when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
