I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
