cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
