Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
