yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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